Can Married Couples Watch Pornography Together? [Part 3]

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3) Watching pornography together may create more distance between one another, particularly during interpersonal problems.

There are those who are misled into thinking that watching pornography together will build sexual intimacy in marriage. Let us examine this fallacy. 

I think, we all agree that marriage is not always a bed of roses. There are good times and there are bad times. When times are good, a husband and wife may enjoy each other sexually, but when difficult times come, i.e. interpersonal problems, where do you think they may turn to satisfy themselves?

When husband and wife offend each other and when wife is not in a mood to have sex with her husband, there is a great possibility for her husband to turn to porn for some physical satisfaction. He who is used to watch with his wife will now watch alone for his personal pleasure. This may even lead to addiction to porn, even to some extramarital affair, eventually leading to disastrous family life.

You know, sometimes it is the hunger for sexual satisfaction which drives a man to get reconciled with his wife and to please her. Of course, this may not always be the best motive, but there is at least some good in it which unites him again with his wife. I believe, one of the reasons why God has blessed man with "testosterone hormones" [major sex hormones in males] is so that he would always cleave to his wife. 

But pornography may rob this possibility, driving a man to nude images and videos of other women and finally leading to emotional and physical affair with others.

In a marriage relationship wherein a husband and wife look to each other alone for sexual satisfaction—they cannot stay far away from each other for a long time. Sadly, in our present age, many are looking for sexual satisfaction beyond their marriage partner, consequently leading to irreconcilable relationship and family break-up.

Therefore, don’t you think spouses should discourage each other from watching porn, whether watching together or alone? Don't you see pornography creates more distance in marriage than intimacy?

Final Words

Sex is not just about the union of two bodies for some physical pleasure. It is most importantly the expression of love within marriage wherein a husband and wife give themselves to each other for one another’s pleasure and satisfaction. For porn stars, sex comes at a price of money or for something else. But in marriage, sex comes at a price of love.

Everyone who is married for sometime may agree to this—to enjoy sex constantly and satisfyingly in marriage, one need to work hard on denying self and loving one’s spouse. Sex is often a gift coupon received for some loving acts towards one’s spouse. For example, when a wife is greatly pleased with affectionate acts manifested by her husband towards her, will she not easily yield to romance and sex?

So, what does this speak?  Sex is a pleasure enjoyed in love relationship. Where there is no love, sex loses its purpose, vigor and true satisfaction.

You know, when marriage turns dry and boring, it is not primarily because of lack of good sex, but because of lack of affection for each other. It is because of lack of proper communication. It is because of lack of romance (apart from sex). So the remedy is not watching porn for healthy sex, but improving communication, affection and romance, which inescapably leads to having a healthy sexual life in marriage.

The saddest thing in pornography is that there is no manifestation of love. You see just those unmarried partners treating each other like sexual objects.  And those who are used to watch porn learn to treat their spouses as simply sexual objects and unlearn how to love another. But God has created sex to have more meaningful expression of love which couples are privileged to enjoy as a result of loving each other.

Let me close this article with a thought by King Solomon, “Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well. Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares? Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers. May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer-- may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love” (Pro. 5:15-19).

In other words, “Seek sexual satisfaction from your spouse alone. Don't let others to take that place. Don’t look for sexual satisfaction outside your marriage [in our age, turning to porn or to some illicit affair]. Don’t share sex with others. Rejoice in your spouse, enjoy the body of your spouse and may you ever be satisfied by your spouse's love. Let your wife or husband be the only person in whom you find your physical satisfaction.” 

Finally, if you, as a believer, are engaged in watching porn, alone or together with your spouse, I encourage you to flee and resist such temptation by the enabling power of the Holy Spirit. And if you don't know Christ personally and are caught up in this bondage, I would like to let you know that Christ died for your sins and rose again from the dead to offer you forgiveness of your sins and eternal life. If you trust in Him, you will not only find forgiveness of your sins, but as you keep growing in the knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ, you would also learn to grow in loving one another as a blessed family in the Lord. [go to first page] |  3 of 3

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